Post #4 in a series of 5 Things You Need to Quit in 2019.
When people come to see me for coaching, my belief is that God has already created a masterpiece in them. They are not broken, they already magnificent! They just have some barriers to their greatness that they themselves need to demolish before they can get on with being amazing. For instance, a big barrier to demolish: How to Get Out Of Your Own Way. My role is to come alongside to help midwife that process along. The client themselves does the brave work of breaking free. It is beautiful.
Yet, there are people I’ve encountered as a Functional Voice Coach™ that have been more difficult to help. Maybe you’ve been around people like this, too? They look like a functioning person on the outside, but one look inside and you realize, they are merely a shell. A person with no consciousness of what is happening inside themselves emotionally, and in some cases, no ability to even feel their own bodies physically. There is no ‘heart fully alive’ here. Their emotional constipation is a constant.
Why Do We Get Stuck?
My heart goes out to these dear ones because most often, the culprit of this deadness of heart is unresolved trauma. Trauma can be anything from their own traumatic birth to abuse of all kinds. Some traumas have been major. Some traumas were small but perceived as a large in their child’s mind. Yet, all were taken on as gaping wounds of deep belief. When left untouched, trauma creates a massive disconnect emotionally that some choose to live with their entire lives.
Dealing with Unresolved Trauma
“Not everybody needs to ‘go deep’,” you may be arguing.
“Some of us are just fine the way we are.”
“What does this have to do with the voice anyway?”
“This is just silly.”
I’ve heard it all before, believe me. However, doing this deep work is more important than any vocal warm up, in my opinion.
You see, your biggest motivator is actually emotion. Your emotions are what produce your thoughts. Once you understand this connection between your emotions and your thinking, you can start to see how important dealing with your wounding is. If you are unable or unwilling to process your emotions healthfully, that can keep you stuck where you are, vocally and in your life.
Sadly, for the emotionally constipated, they don’t know what they don’t know. Many people live detached spirit, soul and body for their entire lives in order to avoid dealing with their pain. They are never the wiser that they could have had so much more.
Yet, now you know.
Life lived at this level should be unacceptable. You know you have a calling on your life to go for far more, and that is going to take some courage.
“What emotions are driving me?”
The answer to this question can take you down a road that can feel scary because it gets you facing your actual underlying condition: unprocessed trauma. I see it happen in my practice almost daily. I start to get the client asking themselves the right questions as we work to free their voices, and their body physically puts on the brakes. The body does not allow the client to bring the negative emotions to light without a fight. The fight looks like tension, tension, tension. The brain refuses to see this as a positive journey. So, between dealing with their brain and body, it takes some real wrangling by the client to bravely stay the course and get free.
I remind them (and now you) that this is normal! The brain is hardwired to associate negative emotions with threat and vulnerability. We are designed at a core level to stay away from danger in order to remain safe. That is the reason you quit on yourself right before your biggest breakthrough. Or why your body won’t allow you to produce sound smoothly when you sing in front of your peers. It is even why you might have physical pain flare up that is beyond any doctor’s diagnosis. All of these are symptoms of unprocessed trauma that needs healing, Dear One. Some might call it self-sabotage, but I view it as self-protection. I have a lot of empathy for the vocalist battling through it. Once you see it as such, you can give yourself a break and start the process of loving yourself enough to finally…
Get Out of Your Own Way
Grab hold of this truth: You are already great. You just need to get out of your own way this year by breaking down the barriers that have held you back. Whatever the behavior is that you want to change, it has simply been your best effort in trying to keep yourself functioning as a ‘normal’ human being. Procrastination, fear, perfectionism, distraction are all ‘appropriate’ responses to the unhealed trauma you are carrying around. They have been coping mechanisms. It is now up to you to go farther on your journey to true freedom! If you want to be and do something that will require you to live at a much higher level in the new year, you must do the work to get yourself into this posture of healing.
Believe You Can And You Will
You are in a process of waking up so you can show up in new and spectacular ways. Choose to see this as a gift. You hold the power here! Decide to do the brave work of getting out of your own way in 2019. Do all that it takes to stop stuffing your pain of wounds and trauma. If you don’t ever look at them honestly, you’ll never discover the root, pull it out and finally start to heal. Take a deep breath and begin. Employ a counselor, pastor or trusted friend to come alongside and hold space for your heart. You are worth the investment of this time and money.
Finding your voice and making your sound is about way more than just vocal mechanics. It is about living as a whole person from a fully alive heart. You deserve to walk wholly in your greatness. The world is quite literally waiting for you to show up as the very best version of yourself. It starts here. Take courage and get to work getting out of your own way in 2019. It’s time.