Encouragement

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This is the time of year when there are a lot of tears shed in my studio. I hear this almost daily right now:

“Help! I’m feeling so overwhelmed!”

It’s not ME making them cry. It is coming into Springtime, people! Springtime ushers in college audition results, midterms, taxes coming due, ACT and SAT testing weighing heavy, and graduation looming on the horizon which means overall major life transitions. Adulting is the next act for many of my clients and students. My clients who have ‘adulted’ for many years already also feel frazzled and worn out as they juggle their busy lives.

It is the time of year when you sense this shift that feels really weighty. It IS overwhelming!

Take a Time Out

If you found this article because you were searching for how to get help for the feeling of overwhelm, catch your breath for a second and find a quiet place to read this. Actually, physically stop.  Take a deep breath. Let’s evaluate some ways that you can help squash that feeling of being overwhelmed and get a little freedom and encouragement into you today.

As vocalists, we can get bogged down by the burden of stewarding our gifting. If you are serious about your craft, you care. That is wonderful! But caring also brings with it the question:

Am I doing enough?

If you are someone who feels a real sense of calling to use your voice for good in the world, the task can often feel enormous. It can feel like time is passing you by and you have so much to do. Preparing for a special performance or making yourself ready for the audition process on top of everything else you are juggling, can feel overwhelming.

The Lifestyle of A Vocalist

Today I want to invite you into what I call the Lifestyle of A Vocalist. You need to make taking care of yourself spirit, soul and body a top priority every single day or you will struggle with overwhelm and may even be tempted to quit. And we don’t want that to happen.

Today I’m giving you permission to go back to the basics and take care of yourself, spirit, soul and body and get some relief from the overwhelm.

SLEEP

How is your sleep? We often get overwhelmed because we are underslept. Prioritize your sleep.   Schedule it like you would schedule any other appointment on your calendar. This means saying no to being out late with friends or binge-watching Netflix until 3 am. Do everything in your power to carve out enough time to sleep. When you do lay down to sleep, utilize things like essential oils, turning off all screens an hour before, sticking to an evening routine that helps you wind down, take a hot bath, read a book, and taking a little melatonin or Calm can help you drift off more easily. Sleep is going to help you stave off the feeling that you just can’t handle your reality right now. Get adequate time in your schedule to actually sleep.

We often get overwhelmed because we are underslept!Click To Tweet

HYDRATE

Stay on top of your hydration. People who struggle with anxiety report that dehydration makes their symptoms worse. While it doesn’t remove anxiety completely, drinking half your body weight in ounces every day, no exceptions can give you a feeling of well being and the ability that you’ve got what it takes to conquer your long ‘to do’ list.

EAT

Forgetting to eat is not something I’ve ever done. ha! Yet, I hear this from my overwhelmed clients often. Don’t forget to eat, Lovely, and when you do eat: Eat clean. Getting some dark, leafy greens and good fats into your body daily can help you feel more grounded. That is because dark, leafy greens give your body magnesium which can really help you feel more at peace in your life. Green smoothies are an easy way to do this! Drink your greens! Here is an easy smoothie recipe to help you.

Into a blender put:

2 cups water

1 scoop protein powder

one tablespoon chia seeds

a single level tablespoon of flax seeds

1/4 cup frozen berries

1 tablespoon fat (either nut butter or MCT oil)

3 to 5 cups of leafy greens (kale, spinach, chard, or a mixture), to your taste. I like my green smoothies REALLY green!

Keep your diet clean and green. You will be amazed at how much better it makes you feel.

EXERCISE

Even if it is just a 10-minute stretching video off of YouTube in the morning or evening is going to help you feel more empowered. But really getting your heart rate up during a 30-minute walk or run can knock the feeling of overwhelm down by half or more, sometimes for hours! Schedule regular exercise into your day, even though you already feel too busy. Watch how it increases your capacity to handle your life!

CAFFEINE

Now I’m going to get up in your business.

How much caffeine are you consuming?

If you are living on multiple energy drinks, sodas and lattes, cut back. Way back. Too much caffeine can make life seem unmanageable to your brain. Wean yourself down little by little to avoid headaches to one caffeinated beverage in the morning only. Drink more water to detox your system as you come off the high level of caffeine. Come down to one caffeinated beverage a day and see if it helps your feeling of overwhelm.

RENEW YOUR SPIRIT

I’m a new convert to adding daily meditation into my life, and I’m a big believer that stopping for 10 minutes first thing in the morning to clear the decks mentally has been a huge boon to my ability to handle more. It has increased my capacity for what is going on in my life. Use an app to help you stay motivated and focused on relaxing your body while gently keeping your mind clear of thoughts. Apps like Headspace and Calm can be helpful to just remind you to let go of thinking about all you’ve got to do today and just breathe and be. I feel it also assists in my ability to focus during performance preparation and performance itself.

My point? Take time out daily to feed your spirit. Spend time in prayer, Bible study and just time to be silent. Give your brain a break from thinking and, dare I say, obsessing! You’ll be stunned at how much MORE efficient you become when you invest this time into renewing your spirit. You’ll think more clearly and even be more creative while increasing your threshold for your reality. Try it!

MANAGE YOUR WORKLOAD

Use a planner. Make lists and cross things off. Do a Brain Dump. When you are working on a project that has many moving parts write them all out on a whiteboard or spreadsheet. Having a way to let go of everything you are carrying in your brain can be helpful. If you are managing a crew or team, delegate whatever work you can to someone else who can help you. Break up your studying into bite-sized chunks that you can schedule into your daily calendar. Let go of all off-stage drama and anything else that is not serving you. Look at this as a chance to learn about how you like to do things as far as managing your workload goes. Stay positive, don’t freak out and put your brain to work on which management style works best for you.

GET HELP

Book time to talk to someone you trust about the load you are carrying. Get professional help or talk to your pastor or a friend you deeply trust. Get some of this burden off your chest by sharing with someone wise who can build you up.  If you ever need vocal help, get in touch for an online coaching session. I’d be honored to hear from you.

Need voice help? Get my free 5-Days to a More Powerful Voice mini course HERE.

DO SOMETHING FUN

Make time to do something fun. Schedule it like you do everything else in your life right now. Choose an activity that really lights you up and refreshes you so that when you go back to your life a couple of hours later, you feel ready to tackle the next challenge.

EMBRACE THE PROCESS

Going through seasons like this can be a process, but take heart! You are learning and growing in the midst of it! We often cannot control the external circumstances of these challenging days in our lives. The process feels messy, long and soooo uncomfortable. The only way around it is THROUGH it. What you CAN control is how you take care of yourself. Embrace the lifestyle of the vocalist and initiate these daily self-care measures to help you get through it with flying colors!

Get your free Affirmations for Vocalists! It is 10 positive things you can say over yourself to get yourself thinking at a higher level and kick overwhelm to the curb! Details below!

Believe it or not, this week was slated for me to write on the topic of ‘The Voice and Grief’ on the editorial calendar I had planned for The Voice Love Co. weeks and weeks ago. I had imagined this article being scholarly. Detached.

I would write about how the voice is affected by our tears. What actually happens in the throat to create the lump we feel. A perky “How-to-find-your-voice-again-after-you’ve-been-devastated-by-grief-in-5-easy-steps!” Tweetable beauty, worthy of any social media feed’s highlight reel.

Instead, I come to write this morning, totally raw and drowning. For what I am getting ready to tell you does not make sense. Not in the slightest.

This week I watched my beloved children put the remains of their premature son, my first grandchild, into the frozen February ground, fill his grave with dirt and walk away.

The Waves of Grieving

Grief and I have shared a long-term relationship since May 18, 1983. That was the day that my 41-year-old dad peacefully took his last breath while I, along with my mother and sister, held him close. My sixteen-year-old heart was cast onto the Waves of Grieving that day, and from that moment to this, my attempts to navigate its waters have been clumsy at best.

I would be surprised by Grief when it took me under, years and decades later…when I witnessed a friend’s dad showing up for them, another milestone in my life went by unseen, or a commercial on tv for chewing gum would spring the lock on my father-starved heart.

But this. The depth of this loss, this grief, has been like none other.

Dealing with the Loss of A Child

His name is Charles Thomas Bovee.

Born on February 1, 2019, pre-term at 19 weeks, 5 days, he was beautiful. Perfectly fashioned down to the tiniest detail. A miniature of my son in almost every way. He stunned nurses by living a miraculous two-and-a-half hours in the arms of his heartbroken parents.

And then, like my daddy, he slipped peacefully from loving arms on earth into the loving arms of Jesus.

My dad has missed everything. Graduations. Weddings. Births. The most important people in my life today, my father has never known.

Until now.

As I drove alone in the early morning hours to get to my children at the hospital, I witnessed a shooting star. It was low and close and my eye was fixed on exactly the right spot to see the arc of it flame across the black of night in its entirety.  And I had a vision. It was my dad with Charles Thomas. Together!

Holy Ground

When I held Charles Thomas for the first time I asked his daddy if I could kiss his impossibly tiny face. I don’t know why I asked this because I knew it would be okay.

It just felt like such holy ground.

The kind of moment that you draw near to with fear and trembling.

The kind of moment that you never wanted to come but now that it is here you never want it to end.

And you close your eyes tight and you try to burn it into your brain because even though it is so painful, you want to do right by it. You feel desperate to remember every tiny detail and do right by it.

Do right by him.

I sat in the dark rocking him in my arms trying to memorize all of him while his anguished mama and daddy attempted to sleep. A handful of precious seconds alone to honor this precious little boy who made me a grandmother.

I felt so grateful to be alone. To be sitting in the dark. To behold him. To remain fully present in the pain.

Beyond Accepting

I talk a lot about accepting and allowing in my work. But this? This is too much.

How can I accept seeing my children suffer under the weight of such loss? How can I accept that my grandson will not be burying me after years of made memories, silly stories and holding his babies? 

It is beyond accepting. Not by my will, anyway.

All of the dreams I had of being his best Gigi flamed out like that shooting star, like his heartbeat, like all hope.

“This can’t be happening. God, help!”

As I rocked Charles Thomas back and forth in the darkest hour, God held me. He held me fast like He’s held me so many, many times before.

I wish I could say that I sang over my grandson’s tiny body, but I cannot.

I could not find my voice to sing during this experience. The grief was far too heavy. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, what would come out was a wail from a place so deep I would never recover. So I clamped my mouth tight so as not to wake my sleeping children and all the mommies with their new babies in the Labor and Delivery ward where we agonizingly found ourselves.

But my heart?

My heart could not keep from singing praises to the Lord, my God, whom it loves.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never will come to an end. They are new every morning. New every morning. Great is thy faithfulness, O God. Great is thy faithfulness.” ~Lamentations 3:22-23

After my dad died, I tried bargaining with God for a permanent truce with tragedy. I reasoned that tragedy should never be allowed to touch my life again. Not after all we’d already been through.

“I’ve done my bit with it, right God?

It is somebody else’s turn from here on out, right?

Right?!”

No answer.

I soon learned that breathing in and out in a broken world means bumping up again and again against pain and at times, unbearable heartache. Life never seems to unfold the way you’d hoped. At least it hasn’t for me. 

You get knocked down.

People lie.

To you.

About you.

Love goes unrequited.

Accounts are overdrawn.

Motives are questioned.

Limits are tested.

Wars are waged.

Pathology comes back positive.

Dreams go unfulfilled.

Children are trafficked.

Evil men prosper.

And perfect babies die for no good reason.

You see, I know what this road looks like; the road you must travel when your heart is shattered into a million little pieces. There is no bargaining to be done here.

Not My Will, But Thy Will Be Done

Yet, you keep breathing. Somehow. In and out. In the darkness.

You keep breathing. Believing. Trusting.

The next wave comes and you battle to ride. You ride and you fall and you slam your face into the sand at the bottom. You sputter. You fight. And somehow, with God’s help, you rise.

To breathe.

To believe.

To trust that God is still good.

To trust that…

There is goodness in all things.

Charles Thomas and his mama and daddy have taught me and so many in our community this week an important lesson. Inside all the heartbreak, the health scares, the losses and the liars you encounter in your lifetime:

There is goodness in all things.

All things. Even, and most especially, in the hard things.

There is goodness in the life and death of this remarkable little boy who has changed us forever.

Our Charles Thomas will never have to bump up against the brokenness of this dark world. He will never know one moment’s heartache feeling the sting of man’s inhumanity to man. He was Love and Innocence and Truth embodied all at once, wrapped up as a good gift from a good God from the beginning of his life to the all-too-soon end of it.

But oh how I grieve.

The emotion of this tragedy is beyond my ability to harness right now. I do not apologize for that.

Yet, I do not grieve as one who has no hope.

Though I ache for the pain of this separation from Charles, and for the pain of seeing my children’s agony at having to travel forward without their treasured son, I know…we know…that our darling Charles Thomas is in the arms of our Savior. He is having so much fun with Jesus and his Great-Granddaddy Don and all of our Beloveds in heaven right now. He is where there is no brokenness or crying. Nobody bent on causing him pain. No hardship. No battle. No hopelessness. No sickness. No fear. He’s never had to know any of that. He never will.

How to Handle Grief

I’m supposed to be establishing myself as the expert here. But the truth is, I’m full of crap when it comes to writing about how to find your voice again after you’ve been decimated by grief.

I flat out don’t know, okay?

I, like you, am making this up as I go along. Trying to decipher the unthinkable. Riding Grief’s waves with bad form, skinned nose, and shattered heart.

All I know to do is to take my position on this open ocean once again, determined to honor our strong little warrior and not get carried out to sea by Grief’s undertow. I will speak his name often, hold space for my children’s hearts as they desperately miss him, and tell his story to whoever will listen.

I will cry.

I will rage.

I will praise.

I will battle.

I will sing.

And I will make my Charles Thomas, and my daddy Don Rouland, and my Papa God proud of me today as I keep breathing, keep believing, and keep trusting that I will continue to see the goodness of God in the land of the living until I myself am no more.

—

Until we meet again, my Charlie, my darling Grandson:

Your Gigi will love you with all of her heart for all of her days.

Please read more about Charles Thomas and his amazing parents here.

Consider ‘planting a poppy’ on their site at the link above. It is free and sends a flicker of light into their home letting them know that they are being prayed for. Would you mind sharing this post so more people will know our story and pray for us? We could sure use the prayer right now. Thank you.

Resources? I would so appreciate your suggestions in the comments below on any resources you have found helpful in navigating the loss of a child, both for parents and for grandparents.

I am not up for making a video this week, so I will leave this one here instead. This song has been a great comfort to our family during this tremendous loss. Thank you for understanding.

God bless you and keep you as you look to Him for everything.  ~Christi